we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize