Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
