Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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