I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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