i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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