I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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