one two three fourrrrnication!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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