Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
