Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm eating all of the evidence.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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