You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
