Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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