I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
