So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
