Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
love makes seman taste better
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
