Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
