chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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