The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
