Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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