I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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