do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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