Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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