I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
