i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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