A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
