They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize