just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
