I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
