hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
