I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
