So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize