i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
