Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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