Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
