the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
