Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
