I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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