He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
