I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
