He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
