Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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