Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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