If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
