no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
