You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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