he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
