I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's never too late to be topless.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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