Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
