I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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