I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
