Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize