is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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