Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
