i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize