Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
