You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
