you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
