Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I could make wine with my vomit
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
two words...techno handjob
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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