HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
