you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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