Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
