She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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