You're my little dorito
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
