1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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