good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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