i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
then he tried to convert me to islam
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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