I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
