How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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