FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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