Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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