went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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