This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
