i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
