come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
