How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
