Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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