Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
