Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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