I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
