I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
