I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
