You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize