So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
