I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
PANTIES FOUND
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
