after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
